Tag Archives: expectations

January 12, 2015 · 8:37 am

It’s not enough to understand expectations, we’ve got to manage them!

Are you managing the expectations in your life?

Stay on courseI find it rewarding to speak and teach on the subject of expectations. But nothing compares with hearing how the application of that understanding has helped someone in their life. They now have a grip on the importance of managing their expectations.

This morning I spoke with a woman who attended a seminar and bought the book over a year ago. She was excited to share how it has helped her. She was so enthusiastic, I wanted to interview her on the spot. I hope to do a video interview with her in the days to come, but her testimonial of the benefits of the book was immensely gratifying.

Her words continue to ring in my ears: “Your book has revolutionized the way I manage my life. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t ask the question of myself and others: What do we expect here? I’ve learned to manage my expectations.”

When I wrote “What do you expect?” it was first and foremost for my own benefit. It helped to solidify in my own thought and understanding what I had been working on for many years. By putting this in book form, I was able to appreciate not only the big picture of expectations, but also the subtle nuances needed to be grasped in many situations. This in turn has enabled me to help more people through speaking, teaching, training and consulting using this material.

The bottom line remains the same:  Knowing this material in itself is never enough. We still have to apply it!

Are you applying that simple question? If so,  how is it helping you?  I’d love to hear your story, as well.

© Brian F. Reynolds BFRspace 2015

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“What do you expect? The question you need to ask!” is now available in paperback for $20 (Can) from Scarlet Cord Press – www.scarletcordpress.com

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December 13, 2014 · 11:04 am

Are you vocalizing what you expect?

Lauren had come to her final day on the job, and she was fidgeting in her chair. “Should I tell her,” she wondered. She was sitting in her bosses’ office, being given the standard exit interview for summer interns at Reid-Davis. Maureen O’Connell was assistant to the chief purchasing agent, and Lauren’s boss for the summer. As a matter of courtesy, she asked if there was anything else she wanted to share as she finished her time with the company.

“Yes, well, the summer’s been great working here. So thanks. But, well, to tell the truth, I thought we might have worked more closely together.”

There, she’d said it. Now what?

The comment caught Maureen off guard, but she regrouped quickly and replied, “Yes, well I’m sorry for that. However, that was not the plan we laid out for you when we brought you here in May. And frankly, I’m wondering why you never shared that expectation with me? Especially if that was important to you.”

Lauren felt sheepish now. “Yeah, I guess I can’t expect you to read my mind, can I? It’s just that you did say I have great potential. And I saw how you worked with Ella. I really want to be doing what you are doing after I graduate. I guess I just thought you might want to work more with me, that’s all.”

Sound familiar?

Maureen only finds out about Lauren’s expectations after the window of opportunity has past. Why? Very simply, it was not shared when it could have made a difference. This is what we call “vocalizing”, speaking out clearly and understandably what we expect. As a result, the opportunity is missed, an employee leaves disappointed and a supervisor is frustrated. “If only she had shared that with me earlier.”

What expectations are you not vocalizing? What would happen if you shared the expectation you are holding back on sharing?

Next time: Why we don’t vocalize our expectations.

© Brian F. Reynolds BFRspace 2014

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“What do you expect? The question you need to ask!” is available in paperback for $20 (Can) from Scarlet Cord Press – http://www.scarletcordpress.com

 

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December 5, 2014 · 8:46 am

They expected what?!

The headline of the Hamilton Spectator this past Tuesday just about leaped off the page at me: Hamilton family left corpse upstairs for six months expecting resurrection. (http://www.thespec.com/news-story/5165939-hamilton-family-left-corpse-upstairs-for-six-months-expecting-resurrection/)

empty coffinReally?! If I wasn’t awake before I read that, I sure was now.

Why would they expect the corpse of their dead relative to be able to come back to life?  The article begins:

Peter Wald’s family truly believed he would rise from the dead. They believed it because they had prayed for it, every single day, while his corpse lay rotting for six months in an upstairs bedroom of their Hamilton home.

Wald’s widow said their expectation was based on their faith. She had placed his body in a bedroom and sealed the door as well as any vents, hoping to keep the odour in. She and the family fervently prayed for six months. When they defaulted on their mortgage an eviction notice brought the sheriff to their door. This led to the discovery of the body and a court case.

Mrs. Wald said their faith was still strong, as witnessed in them packing his clothes when they were evicted, just in case the resurrection was yet to come.

The judge did not take issue with their faith, only with the health and well-being of the family. They were free to expect a resurrection. They were not free to keep a corpse on the premises.

Why did they expect this? Mrs. Wald says she still believes strongly in resurrection, and says there have been many “documented” cases of it around the world. Her faith was not shaken by the legal consequences of her actions. We saw in our last post that we expect things for one of three reasons: our past experience, our desire for it to happen, or the authority of others. This case probably rests on the second and third reason. Her belief that resurrections happened in the Bible, and supposedly some modern occurrences, led to the application to her own situations.

Was Mrs. Wald’s expectation one with a firm basis? Why or why not? Based on what we have been looking at, how would you have counseled her to manage that expectation?

© Brian F. Reynolds BFRspace 2014

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“What do you expect? The question you need to ask!” is now available in paperback for $20 (Can) from Scarlet Cord Press.

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November 28, 2014 · 8:52 am

Managing our expectations begins with realizing what they are.

man-with-glasses-frame-fitting

I compare realizing our expectations to wearing eyeglasses. Most of the time I’m unaware I’m wearing my glasses. (Unless they are as cloudy and in need of cleaning as they are right now!) They are simply the way I see the world. It’s the same with my expectations. I may not be aware of them, but they are the filter through which I watch my world.

In order to manage our expectations, we need to realize exactly what they are.  How do we do that?

  • We realize our expectations by taking the time to think carefully about what it is we want.
  • We realize our expectations by using anger as our “expectation alarm”, a signal that tells us we are upset about something. We need to stop and recognize what we are angry about and exactly what we are not getting that we want.
  • We realize our expectations by talking the matter out with someone who can help us get to the root of what those expectations are. This might be the person we are expecting something from. It might be a friend who knows us well. It may be a counsellor who is skilled at helping us uncover what it is we really want.
  • We realize our expectations by being honest – with ourselves and with others – about what it is we truly desire.

While we may assume realizing our expectations is a simple and obvious process, this may not be the case. It can be difficult to be that specific and open about what we want. To be so specific may mean we admit something about ourselves we want to keep private. To be so open may be embarrassing to us.

In practice, it is not always easy to fulfill this first action of our process. But if we are to manage our expectations in a healthy and effective way, it is a very necessary step to take.

Question: What am I currently expecting that is affecting a relationship I am in? How specific can I be about that expectation? Am I willing to share that expectation with this other person?

© Brian F. Reynolds BFRspace 2014

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“What do you expect? The question you need to ask!” is now available in paperback for $20 (Can) from Scarlet Cord Press.

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